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July 23 Who Am I! there's a lot more to do in order to break through that brick wall to head into a new world. people keep saying, once a door keeps shut, a window will be slammed open. whoever say this, they must be eternal optimists. apparently, I'm not one of those Mr. Spunky. I'm walking on to a completely opposite direction. People keep saying, go easy on it. ooooooh, easy, easy, uneasy. again, they have big hearts. their "hanging-there" attitude compels my sincere admiration. i may not be one of those who truly have balls. any big knockdown is able to send me to a complete defeat. then, a new life will be reborn inside my superficial physical body. i'll start everything over again with breezes of blessing. capitalizing on whatever it takes to believe what a reborn me believes, i turn into an oblate dedicated to a brand-new religious life. my own religion, norm, belief. in short, i live with this unique fashion of multiple-time rejuvenation of me. no sympathy, no shame, no consolation needed, coz those could eat up energy, dampen spirit, and throw me into an utter vulnerability. overall, i'm an optimistic pessimist who survives dramas, tons of dramas, and disorientation. November 06 懒人一个我可能半年没写了把,正在酝酿好日子好时间好感觉,
力求写一篇惊世骇俗的佳作.
现在时机已经成熟,
马上为大家隆重呈现.
我是个懒人,
幸福但是矛盾的懒人.
继续把一身所剩无几的懒肉挂在骨头上,
整天如同游魂一般漂移在这个勤快人主导的社会.
大家都挺忙的,
所以更加突出我的独特性.
为了保留我鲜明的个性
所以我也不需要大费力气去追赶,
理所当然的享受当一个懒人的快乐.
所以压根就没有什么惊世骇俗的佳作.
"因为太懒了...", 喊得很小声.
懒得费力气.
February 11 新年心语昨天和老妈通电话了,不知不觉竟然聊了一个小时有余.
快过年了,家里一定很热闹.妈妈津津有味向我描述了家里忙碌的场面,打扫房间,准备年货,朋友互访.原本是开年后的活动,由于现在传统的不断淡漠,也就无形中被改变.
今年对于我来说是很特别.尽管我独自在北京闯荡也8年了,但还没有错过任何一个春节和家人团聚.可是,即将到来的这个新年我只能无奈地看着日历度过.
想象北京现在已经张灯结彩,红旗飘飘,处处沉浸在节日的喜庆和祝福中.在北京工作的外地人,忙于总结一年的成绩;参加形形色色的行业或公司聚会;与单位要好的同事或者异地结交的知心好友三五成群,酒肉穿肠,OK欢唱;在商场此起彼伏的折扣与返券的叫卖声中,为家人朋友置办新年礼物,在比价算价中幸福地摇摆;还有一点,不可否定,为了那一两张难求的机票或火车票焦虑,愤怒,奔忙.一切都那么自然却迫不及待.我曾经也是这些涌动人群中一个熟悉的背影,可是现在我只能面对刺眼的电脑屏幕,在由回忆拼接的荧幕中自我催眠.
爷爷奶奶,姥爷姥姥还都健在的时候,准备年饭从来都是提上日程的重大事宜.场面之大,名堂之多,应有尽有,目不暇接,另人难忘. 谁能想象我们庞大的家庭结构--爸爸这边从长到幼共15人，妈妈这边大小50人(姥姥养育了15个儿女精英),如此宏大的家庭聚会可能在中国历史上也是屈指可数. 尽管当时我还年幼,但已经学会巧言巧语,"积极表现",取悦长辈们的心.所以在两边的大家庭都很得宠.同辈们磕头的次数相同,但是爷爷奶奶,姥爷姥姥几乎年年都会拉我在其他孙子看不见的地方多塞给我几张新展展的人民币.我们心领神会,挤个眼,就变成只有我们相互分享的永远的秘密.
后来渐渐长大,老人家都已经不能在厨房忙碌了.我就在他们的指点下,在其他长辈的协助下,担负起执掌主勺的重任.购料买菜,蒸馒头包子,炸肉丸,炖肉,配菜.作为长孙,我还要主持开餐辞,新年祝语.长辈一桌,我们小字辈一桌.一边组织孩儿团吃饭,还一边穿梭在长辈的桌间一一敬酒送达我的祝福.大人小孩的交谈,笑声和碰杯的声音此起彼伏,无不欢喜到极点.用餐完毕,女同胞们收拾桌椅碗筷.无论是妯娌还是姐妹,欢声笑语,分享各自过去的人生感言.男同胞们已经将烟酒糖茶,干果点心纷纷上桌.围坐在他们长辈的身边,相互谈论着事业中的成败.看得出爷爷奶奶未必理解他们的讨论内容,但是认真地倾听,不时点点头表示支持.我们晚辈已经窜来窜去,准备贴春联,准备各自送给长辈的祝福语.当然还有准备好各式各样的鞭炮,和期盼长辈发压岁钱的时刻. 等时机差不多了，我会将大家请到屋外院子中,一同欣赏花炮.此时,其他家的鞭炮已经竟相开放.孩子们感受最幸福和兴奋的时刻.绚烂的花火映衬着我们所有人的恬恬笑脸,祥和幸福已经随着腾起的鞭炮升华.
随着老人们一一辞世,带着在世间的酸甜苦辣离开我们.我们也有悲伤,但是更多还是保持我们的传统,勇敢面队各自继续着的五彩人生.新年聚会作为传统的一部分依然对家庭的凝聚力作了不少的贡献.我也已经在北京上学工作开始谱写自己的人生历程.每年农历新年将至,我都提早准备送给家人的礼物,提早几天收拾好行李关门关窗,生怕落掉某件.也是和其他再外闯荡的人一样,忙碌于聚会购物买票,最重要的事情就是理发剃胡子,秀给父母一个积极乐观的自己.在家里我发现比在工作中更加忙碌.尽管爸妈已经为了不让我太辛苦,将大多的整理准备工作完成.我还是希望自己回家就不让他们上岗,所以洗衣做饭,整理家务,走亲访友.没有特别必要的原因,我都让自己出现在他们视野能及的空间,陪伴他们,在他们的膝前交流面临的人生挑战和成就,总结得失.他们用他们的父母那样温暖坚定的微笑和人生经验,让在外的游子对人生充满信心和淡定的态度.为了不让我担心犹豫,他们都表现的无忧无虑.偶尔捕捉到他们劳累的容颜和飘白的花发,我还是不忍躲在厨房心酸.我一直都很好的照顾自己,所以他们对我还是比较放心.
昨天和老爸老妈的通话让我回想起许多点点滴滴.过去的一切还历历在目,发现都是多么多么珍贵的闪闪发光的记忆.人生不能重新来过,所以我要在接下来的时光中卖力地工作,卖力地学习,卖力地去爱,卖力地生活.
祝愿爷爷奶奶姥爷姥姥在天上看到我们大家幸福生活也满意点点头,祝福保佑我们.而在世间的我们也不要让他们失望,在新年身体健康,心情舒畅,笑口长开,心想事成.特别老爸老妈多注意自己身体,不要太逞强,有空就到处旅游.我很好,而且会越来越好! 顺便问候各位好友保重自己,事业有成,家庭和睦,新年新气象!
远在加国的我 January 03 平日里的我来加拿大4个月了,一切都和想象中的没有太大的偏离.
除了没有忙碌的工作之外,生活也如同在北京的样子,寻常就足以定义所有的内容.
如果早上没有课,也就是说可以睡到太阳高举, 然后象冬眠刚过的蛇,
蠕动着蜷缩的身体,缓缓的从被子口中钻出来.
很费气力的起身,左右环顾,毫无目的,纯属虚度光阴.
起床后的冲凉是必然履行的项目,保证我保持清醒的头脑,至少维持到中午.
早餐包括一份三明治和一杯只加糖的咖啡,过来后养成,貌似即将百年不变的习惯.
尽管已经有点腻味,但还是可以毫无味觉效果的完成任务.
谈到任务,有一项是无论阴晴圆缺,刮风下雨都要完成的就是了解时事与财经.
或是早起洗漱完毕,还是晚饭后的小憩,查看6大网站的头条信息每天必不可少.
自大学2年级坚持至今,已经如同饿了吃饭,渴了喝水成为生活的一部分.
Economist, Chinadaily, Businessweek, FT, ATPtennis 和新浪财经.
感谢他们帮助我形成自己的观点与见解,准确发觉自己的兴趣点.
比起2006年7月以前的我,生活更加规律健康.
绝暴饮暴食,少餐多次. 食肉量减少, 蔬菜增多. 渐渐淡忘可乐,饮料,和零食.
取而代之的是蜂蜜水和红茶.每天喝更多的热水.
值得一提的是,每天伴随着Il Divo新专集中美妙的古典抒情乐曲,
坚持100次仰卧起坐,50次俯卧撑,以及饭后随性的公园漫步.
作为一个懒惰成性的人,这个算是我个人一次飞跃.
总之从7月的健身房计划到个人运动方案,我减肥20斤,觉得自己更加神轻气爽.
晚上还是12点过后才上床.温歌华的夜晚比北京的宁静许多.
我可以独自斜靠在阳台上,呼吸外界新鲜空气.
同时,这份难得的宁静也让我能够思考很多遇到的问题,总结得失.
总之,一切虽然平淡,但却自然而然,都向好的方向渐进.
祝愿自己能在异国他乡幸福平安! April 22 投我一票, voting for heart!我正在参加MSN个人风采比赛,希望各位相信自己的感受,为我也为自己的的心投上你珍贵的一票,因为That's where your heart touches!
每人可以点击５次左右，谢谢大家的信任和参与 April 10 reformed simplicity!个人简约新主张我最近生活的很充实, 每天除了应付那点不放在眼中的工作外，
我留出很大一部分时间去调节自己的生活。
随意在家中大声朗读英语,
随性哼哼自己都不明白的小曲,
随意了解其他方面的东西.
每天晚上还花两个时间去青鸟健健身体.
周末怀着浪漫的想象学习法语.
还不时插空和好友们吃吃饭,唱唱歌.
以前总觉得生活本身很复杂,有很多繁文缛节,尽量删去一些步骤
只要没有必要去做或者懒得去做就可以忽略.
比如减少家具在房间中空间占有,
这些都是形式上的简约.
但是最近我发觉我找到属于自己的个人简约新主张,
想做就做,想吃就吃,想唱就唱.
不要考虑过多的因素，扰乱自己的抉择.
不知道自己在这里说什么呢，反正我自己还是很清楚滴.
March 15 我是谁？自打我给这个文章附加抬头之后，就迟迟难以下笔。不知道从那里说起为好。
我是谁？ 就像要回答出大海中到底有多少种生物类似的问题一样，搞不清，弄不明。。。
时常觉得它无意中给我增加几分忧虑，担心自己到底能彻头彻尾了解多少个关于我自己。
有时候觉得自己聪明绝顶，才华横溢；但是有时候却是呆若木鸡，只字片语。
经常在自己充满小聪明的世界里享受着无穷的乐趣。
有时候觉得自己大意当道，英雄仗义；但又有时候过于谨小慎微，思虑万千
愧为鸡毛蒜皮损伤着自己仅有的几分侠气。
有时候觉得自己在事业上，雄心壮志，游刃有余，气势如鸿
其实也难以逃脱在大浪中的潮起潮低。
有时候觉得自己对待父母，恭敬孝顺，却难免带给他们许多泪水和忧虑。
特别是我那脆弱的爱情神经，一旦触碰，俨然面临着刀光剑影。
当我站在镜子前问自己，总觉得反映着一个熟悉的陌生身影。
我对自己唯一的认识，就是－－－
我是个疯子，从骨子里就注定的特征。
完成于2006年4月5日
January 21 我的房子 我的孩子经过一个多月的折腾劳累奔波，我的家终于显现出了她清晰可爱的雏形．
有些人觉得房子就是自己儿时手中摆弄的积木，有人觉得是展示自己才华的绘画板，也有很多人就觉得他是自己的私人空间，用来防御外来侵害而躲藏的处所．不同于其他的感受，我一直都认为我的房子就是我嗷嗷待哺的亲生骨肉．她应该是一个爱美喜欢干净的女孩，在她的空间里处处流淌的我的血液，处处充斥着我的气味．她也经常表达自己的喜怒哀乐，慢慢地我学会了体会她的体会，感受她的感受与交流我们的交流．
我花费大量的时间和精力去装扮我心中的女儿，让她成为最受宠爱的掌上明珠．但是我也尽力避免过度的个人主义，让她在最大程度上散发自己的特色与魅力．坐在转椅上，躺在沙发上，或是钻进绵软的被子里，我有时都会和她交谈，诉说我的感受，我知道她也能和我一起分享，因为我相信父女连心的天性。 December 18 Family are not that intimate?(Annotation: Family hereafter referred to as the blood relationships except the parents)
Since I was born into this universe, I've never been this baffled to externalize the issue about how intimate the family relationship is supposed to be into with, because, I believe, it is like the nose on the face. we are bound to share happiness and sadness, and tons of ups and downs. we could give the hand to one another if needed anytime, anywhere. As a matter of fact, this perspective is childish a bit at all and unfeasible in real life.
Family, literally, what a loveable community! it is, all the times, a harbor shielding me from any furious blows, a cradle tolerating my vulnerability, a loyal listener quietly showing the ears to my complaint, laughter and weeping, a friend sustaining reliability by me, a warm corner i am leaning by when it's freezing outside, and even a safe flight taking me everywhere i travel. That's overly private but precisely fitting all spectra of my life. This is the most elaborating vision in the portrait of family.
Ironically, whatever blurs my eyes, I couldn't figure this vision out any more. What's practical is repeated infighting, jealousy, unfaithfulness, entrapment, betrayal, ridicule, offensive lie, misunderstanding, all variety of physical or mental scratches behind the glossy but hypocritical blood-related cover. Isn't it sarcastic, is it?
Brothership or sistership are entangled with the waves of squabbles for the property split; the children disregard the parental care and take it for granted; the varnish of marrige is rusted by the "oops-affairs" from time to time. every one is moody, messy, restless, angry and blazing up. Family was sugar-coated as the networks of money and power flow instead of sweet home of sweet. Ooooooooooooooooooooh, What a twisted world!!!
The reality that may be the last thing I'm able to bear is that All human beings are mean to each other, no matter who they are, and what relationships they are attached, family members in particular.
I so gonna miss that preceding tranquility, serenity and the feeling of union, collectiveness and binding energy. I try to close my eyes, "My life is brilliant, my love is pure..." James Blunt's big hit music swirling around me, when the dark is falling down its curtain in the evening. September 12 A general instinct, or a result of love!Sex, even it is so crucial to our personal life, more miserablely hidden under the sunlight of feelings, than the rest of its peers - food, happiness and even sadness. It is damn avoided to be discussed in public in this "traditional, congested and rationized, developmental" human society.
Nevertheless, that is not the point i draw my attention on any more. Sex comes stronger inside and expressed outside in some clearly detectable ways. Through the classical eyes, we look the libido generated right behind the come-together of sexual evocation and pure love. who comes who, just hold on and let's get more !
Think about it in a logic mind, when the boy's some little thing gets up and sails out, he may not exactly be dying for love but for a general instinct. This undescribable passion is so demanding and finally results in masturbation, casual sex and whatever.
Likewise, people are exploring the answer of a question that the majority will have to face, ------
A one-night fling Versus.the longterm relationship, which one gonna kick the other's ass?
More ridiculously, the scholars are lining up to toss their bullshits and fight to each other furiously. everyone considers himself or herself so professional to do this. As a matter of fact, they are time-wasting and overracting. I believe we'll never see right or wrong, even though the battlefied doesnt cease the fire until human beings disappear from this globe.
The answer is fucking correct, from my perspective, to the question----Please be your self and follow your heart! i know this is such kinda talking out of buttack, so obvious, abstract, ambiguous but unfortunately yes it is! Libido possibly not follows the heal of love, but definitely goes to Sex. There is no evil sex, but evil person.
To be honest, i am not a sacred preacher worshiping a self-established GOD, or a complete narcissist. Just be myself and set me free! Sex is sex, instead of a miserable substitute of someting else! Ok, enough! |
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